Day 13 - Define Beautiful

Today, Rosie asks us to write down what the word Beautiful means to us. What has informed that definition and what compels us to use it.

I am a graphic designer. I have been using my eye to make judgements, assessments, to create, for my entire life. For me the word Beautiful is automatically one that I relate to the surface, to the appearance, to the form, shape, colour. There are certain rules in nature and our culture that inform what we are raised to see as beautiful. 

I am profoundly effected by beauty. 

I lived with dancers for a while after high school, they were near perfect human bodies. Just being near that astounding beauty, especially when they were dancing, is quite something. It effected me. I forgave and assumed and bent for the benefit of the gaze of these beauties. 

I see my children. So perfect, long lashes, smooth perfect skin, soft unearthly curves and tones. The natural tones and textures of their hair, their lips, their eyes. I'm constantly telling them how beautiful they are, I actually can hardly stop myself. And I know I need to balance those comments with the discussion of their personalities and identities.

I am always astounded by the beauty of men. In all their shapes and sizes. I can see the small boy in all of them. There are very few men I can't find some redeeming feature in, after some time.

But there's the rub. Time. Beauty is surface to me. Beauty is about form and shape and texture. 

Take Stephen Fry. He himself discusses quite openly his feelings of being visually ugly. He is. But then you see him speak, the wonderful words, how he thinks and writes, how he can use his voice, and he is lovely! But he isn't beautiful. However, you don't see that until you have spent TIME with him, or watching and listening to him. 

I once worked with a very beautiful man. He would smile his million dollar smile and we would all line up and do whatever he needed. But he was a real shit. Manipulative, selfish, amoral. But, he was still beautiful, and boy didn't that help his career. You can't figure out he's a shit until you've spent time with him for a while. The initial reaction is, he's beautiful.

I know everyone is screaming at me, 'no, Rosie is asking for inner beauty!!'. Well, maybe, but I don't see people as being beautiful inside. People can be interesting, complex, caring, contrary, generous all kinds of things! But beauty, beauty is a pure thing of the visual for me. Because beauty is simple. People, or more accurately, personalities, are complex. 

Maybe this comes back to my distrust of people. Beauty I can trust. Beauty is always beautiful. Beauty always makes me happy. Beauty can be made out of thin air. But beauty is not inside a person. People are too complex, too easy to appear one way and another the next day. People are in constant flux.

Including me.

So…I guess I have failed todays task?

xxk

To join me in this journalling adventure towards greater self acceptance, be sure to get Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance by the magnificent Rosie Molinary.

Update on Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 10:04AM by Kate

I have been stewing over this post all night. I want to clarify something. 

There is a real trend for the body positivity movement of 'you are beautiful!!' thing. I get subscription emails from body image bloggers telling me I'm beautiful or loved or whatever, and it really irritates me, HOW DO THEY KNOW!? Some people, lots of people, aren't beautiful. They aren't! 

And, is that a bad thing?

I want the emphasis off beauty. Inner or outer. I obviously have a narrow view of the definition of Beautiful as most people like to define it as an inner beauty. But I don't see those who aren't beautiful as less valued, less valid or less important. I guess I value other things more in a person. But as someone who struggles with some black and white thinking it's taken me a long time to realise people are never always one thing. They are never all beautiful or all ugly. I guess when it comes to people, grey is important. 

I wonder if the body image movement focus on everyone being beautiful is a religious thing, you know, 'you are loved' and all that? I guess I just don't want to describe a person, something so complex and changing using a word that for me describes a kind of simplicity.

I want the things people can be valued for to be more complex, more varied, more tangible than beautiful. Those things are different for each person and change all the time. It's harder than mere beauty.

We are so much more than just beautiful.

Comments

[Cate]

Beauty is such an all encompassing term it can be used to describe a myriad of attributes - none of which are wrong - just peoples different interpretations.

I like that you see beauty as something on the surface and prefer more complex and really more thoughtful and specific adjectives to describe their inner qualities - such as compassiate, intellegent, patient, kind.

I do think 'beauty' has become too cliched to some respect. Any word, when over used and used without care loses some of its power.

I don't think that preferring to be careful and specific with your words means that you have failed at Rosie's task of the day - far from it. It means that you have thought very deeply about what truly matters to you and how you want to express that.

[Rosie]

Thanks for writing such a real post, Kate, and not letting what people might think stop you. The point of this exercise is for YOU to know how YOU use the word beautiful. Your way of seeing beauty is just as valid as anyone else's-- the very idea is for you to claim your viewpoint on beauty and to know what your definition is so that you can be more certain that you are guided by your view of the word and the world and not the view of others. The reality is that beauty is totally subjective-- that's just the problem with having one physical beauty standard projected at us, right-- beauty is so much more than that because it is so very personal. What strikes me as beautiful-- physically, emotionally, mentally-- isn't necessarily going to be what strikes anyone else. I love your expression that we are so much more than just beautiful-- absolutely!- and Cate's observation that you have thought very deeply about what truly matters to you and how you want to express that. Bingo. You succeeded wildly at this exercise because you were true. Truth is so powerful (and, if you don't mind, beautiful- smile). Thank you!

[Kate]

Ah, thank you Rosie. It was a very interesting exercise. I didn't know how I defined beauty before this exercise. I was a bit surprised by what came up. I'm still thinking about it. It also stirred up a fascinating discussion with my husband. Thank you!!